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I try to never be bad or mean. It's just my way of dealing. Like the sad clown that smiles into the crowd, while holding back so many tears.

Shielding his pain with a mask made of paint. Even the best of clowns, can't always hide behind that facade forever.

Houssewives It was best said once by Smokey Robison, "If you look closely it's easy to trace The tracks of my tears. To hold it back or bury it deep inside me, while showing only that bravado.

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Back to my childhood and that ever present idem. Imagine that you'd try to prevent your child from showing any emotion.

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Actively teaching your child to not cry Not taken into account But it wasn't in our culture to baby men. Even if those so-ed men Now, I said this not as an excuse or a reason for wznts failer that was my marriage.

Just so Housewives wants hot sex Beaman take everything into consideration while judging me.

It's not a copout or a justification. But it is a major part of why I failed as a husband.

We never really consider the ultimate reprecussions our develpoment of a child might be later down the line. The future consequences to the persons relationships.

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The stunting of the individuals ability to communicate effectively with they're significant other. Making any relationship doomed to fail.

How it is nearly impossible to show feelings or convey a sincere respon to anything. That having feeling and emotions, some how makes you less of man. And maybe it does, women say that like sensitive guys, yet always pursued the "bad boys" they're pet projects that only they'll be able to "fix or change" The emptiness I live Housewives wants hot sex Beaman now is intensified by, the absence of my children.

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My kids are my world Although the man is not waants child, I miss him as much if not more. He was mine when he was scared at the dentist. Mine when I've taught him Housewives wants hot sex Beaman to play Wii, soccer, football, and I'm proud to say chess. I had been in his life since he was 2 yrs.

Now he's the acting man of house.

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I'm sure of it I made sure he knew, that he was after mom of course the man of the house. He was charged with taking care of his sisters and their mother in my absence. A job he took always took very seriously. He's growing up to be such a fine young man. And it's my sincerest hope that I Housewives wants hot sex Beaman some small part in that. I was after all I was there for most of his life.

Since he started by ing me mommy And ultimately daddy, at even father. They are the casulities of our marrige's demise. The collateral damage, who's life will from this point forward be not what I intended. Certainly more common, but none the less not what they deserve.

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They once had a father and a mother under the same roof, something they won't be able to say again. Will they forget me?

For all these things and many other some day I'll have to answer for. I know That day is coming soon.

Our life together was bridge to far. Unable to cross that enormous chasem of misunderstandings, never reaching that elusive place of compromise. Where there is no confusion, no ambiguity, no gray areas, where nothing can be misconstrue d or Housewives wants hot sex Beaman as anything other what it is. Females in Scorton dtf middle ground that can dex us a complete understanding of each others needs and wants.

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A state of comprehension but so much more Is it better to have loved and lost? Then never to have loved at all.

Beeaman really don't know All I do know, that we have 3 wonderful kids together. And should she choose not to let me see my boy. That is her choice, not his fault. As for my angels, I can't Housewives wants hot sex Beaman my love there nothing to compare it too.

They are the best of me, a part of me that's not tarnished, cynical, or bad. I have such Housewives wants hot sex Beaman kids, they bring out the best in me. They fuel my drive, give me hope in moments of despair, make me smile when I'm at my lowest point. All I can do keep fighting, never give up hope.

Work hard, do good for them. So I've recently moved to be closer to them, so that when day comes I can once again hold them. They'll know daddy's only a few minutes away.

It's gonna be hard And nothing or no one, will lessen my resolve. There is nothing I can think of thats worthier.