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I cannot cope with my teenage son. He is my youngest, aged 14, with an older brother and sister, both in their early 20s, who have happy, successful, independent lives and with whom I have a lovely relationship.

I was not married to his father. Som we split I took only the children; he kept the house and failed to pay maintenance until the children were older, when he remarried.

His wife is lovely; my husband and I babysit their new baby. His dad is the party man, not worrying about homework or bedtimes, letting our son be out at all hours and indulging him.

To be despised paarty such an outright way is breaking me. I am ashamed I bad-mouthed his father, but I was sick of hearing how great he is. I fear I will do this again and need help to cope more appropriately.

I consulted child and adolescent psychotherapist Ruth Glover childpsychotherapy. I wondered how accurate your memory is of life with your older two children?

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Did the fact you still had your youngest patty home when they were going through this stage cushion the blows of their adolescence? Your son may have noticed his dad has not been there at times, and this may have led to him feeling unwanted.

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And the new baby is significant. I asked Glover if what you said in your outburst was so very wrong.

He probably knew them already and was struggling. But he may not want to help and may enjoy the division.

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